How To Not Look Back
by EmpressTheodora12
Summary: She's already helped defeat the Dark Lord and survived her teenage years. But now Hermione must face what very well may be her most difficult challenge yet: Learning how to move on from a harmful marriage. Sometimes the best thing you can do is get out of a bad situation. But where do you go from there? (Dramione)
1. Chapter 1- Routine

Hey guys! I know I haven't been posting recently. I've been working on a Supernatural Sanders Sides fic which is really exciting for me. So if you're into that, be sure to keep an eye out. I hope you enjoy this piece. I don't know how long it'll be so be sure to follow for any updates. Thanks!

**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling.**

I woke up alone again. I was concerned until I remembered what had happened the night before. I groaned and closed my eyes, processing what happened.

Ron and I got into another fight. I can barely remember what it was about. Something stupid, probably. Being in my first trimester of pregnancy, my heightened emotions were a little overwhelming, so I'd...overreacted a bit. We were both really angry last night and suddenly, out of nowhere, Ron just bellowed over my shouting, which scared Cameron, our 4-year-old son.

"THAT'S IT! I'M DONE!" he shouted before grabbing his coat and stomping out of the house. I didn't even flinch when he slammed the front door. I didn't bother running after him. I just sat down in the nearest chair and sighed.

Even when we were kids, I'd noticed that Ron had a habit of bailing when he was angry, like that night in the woods when we were hunting for horcruxes. I just thought that he'd be different for me, when we were married. I thought that I could love him enough to change him. I felt that it was my duty to do so, as his girlfriend and later, his wife. But getting married didn't change anything. He still walked out quite frequently, sometimes for weeks at a time. Sometimes he comes back stumbling and smelling like alcohol. Sometimes he comes back with vomit all over him. Sometimes he comes back acting like he never left. But he always comes back. He always says he's sorry. Ron's a nice guy. I believe him. It's my fault for being so insufferable. So I try to be as agreeable as I can. I complained to my aunt once. She really put things into perspective for me.

"Sweetheart, maybe you should be thankful that all he does is walk out when he's mad. You know, some husbands stay and beat up their kids. Some husbands beat their _wives_. You wouldn't want that to happen to you and Cameron, now would you?" she asked me. I said nothing, but shook my head. After that, I tried to be a good wife. I normally avoided him when he was in a bad mood because I knew from experience that anything could spark his anger. I made sure not to do anything without asking him first. I made sure not to bother him while he was watching television. And I slept with him whenever he was in the mood, even if I wasn't. But no matter what I did, I wasn't enough. _We_ weren't enough. So eventually, I gave up trying to stop him from leaving. I just let him go. I made enough to take care of me and Cameron. I just wish I knew when he'd come back. Say what you want about Ron, but he still loves me. He says so, at least.

I woke up alone this morning. But I wasn't surprised. It was just routine.


	2. Chapter 2- Absent

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

Things were better. Ron came back after only two days, apologizing. We made up. A while later, I was in my second trimester of pregnancy and the mood swings had died down. I woke up one lazy Sunday morning to the sound of cabinet doors opening and slamming shut. I yawned, put a robe over my nightgown, and went downstairs to check what was going on. I got downstairs to see Ron viciously opening and shutting cabinets like his life depended on whatever it was he was trying to find.

"Ron? What's going on? Have you lost something?" I asked. He turned to face me.

"Hermione. Did you go buy more potato chips yet?" he asked.

"Uh...I don't think-wait. Have you eaten breakfast yet?" I asked.

"Why does that matter?" he snapped. "Just answer the question. Did you go to the store or not?"

"No, not yet. I was planning on going Monday." I shook my head, not understanding why it was such a big deal.

"Are you _kidding_ me, Hermione? I'm going out with the guys tonight and they asked me to bring potato chips! We went over this!" he said, frustrated, even though I was pretty sure he had never talked to me about it. I was going to interrupt, reminding him that he didn't tell me he needed chips, but he didn't stop.

"Do you know what I _do_ all week? I have to work to support this family! I don't get home until 9:00 so that we have enough money to put food on the table!" he yelled. I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from reminding him that I made more money than him.

"But you? You get home at 3:00 and do nothing for the rest of the day! All I ask of you is _one_ thing: Buy potato chips!" he shouted. My anger boiled to the surface before I could stop it.

"_Nothing_? I do _nothing_? Excuse me? I get home at 3:00 and I'm busy nearly until midnight! You know why? Because I have to cook, clean, work, pick up Cameron, drop him off at soccer games, and do countless other things! Oh, yeah, and I'm _pregnant_!" I said, gesturing to my swollen belly.

"So I'm _sorry_ that I forgot to buy your stupid potato chips! But you know what? I'm up from dawn to dusk working and doing everything for this family and Cameron while his father doesn't even care to stick around for more than a month at a time! So next time, you can buy your own goddamn potato chips because I'm busy _raising our son_!" I screamed. I knew I had made a mistake as soon as I saw Ron's face turn red. Wordlessly, he marched over to the front door, grabbing his car keys along the way. I ran to stop him, trying to apologize.

"Ron, wait-" I begged, grabbing his arm. But he cut me off.

"No. If you're so good at raising Cameron, you can do it _yourself_. Because I'm _finished_ with this ungratefulness." he snapped. He pulled his arm away and slammed the door on his way out.

"Mommy?" I heard a sleepy voice come from the top of the stairs. I turned around to see Cameron in his Spiderman pajamas, standing at the top of the stairs where he probably heard the entire thing. I walked up the stairs to hug him and patted his hair gently.

"Mommy, where has Daddy gone?" he asked me softly. I sighed.

"I don't know sweetheart." I admitted.

"Is he coming back?" Cameron asked. He asked me this every time Ron left, and my answer was always the same.

"Yes, of course honey."

_But he didn't._

Weeks passed. I patiently waited for him, but deep down inside, I was really starting to get worried. We didn't hear anything from him, but that was normal. One day, I finally broke and called Ginny to ask her if she'd seen him.

"No, sorry 'Mione. Ron hasn't been home for days. Is everything okay?" she asked, with genuine concern in her voice. I wanted to tell her so badly. I wanted to tell her about the years of neglect and uncertainty. I wanted to tell her about how I had to raise Cameron basically by myself. But something inside of me stopped me. This is _my _problem and I should be able to handle it by myself. Besides, I was probably freaking out over nothing. He'll come back. He always did. So I reassured Ginny that everything was fine and hung up.

More weeks passed. Still no word from Ron. I was in my third trimester of pregnancy, now. I just hoped that Ron would get over his anger quick enough to see his daughter being born. I worked hard to support me and Cameron and tried not to pass by any place near Ron's work on my way home. I knew from experience that it wasn't a good idea to try to find him when he was out. Still, I left him countless voicemails begging him to come home, apologizing over and over again, but I never got a response.

One evening, my water broke.

And Ron wasn't there.


	3. Chapter 3- Everything Is Different

When my water broke, I panicked. My first thoughts went to Cameron. Where would he go? I quickly called my neighbor, Mrs. Scott, for help. She understood the situation immediately and was over with her husband in two minutes. Cameron had gone over to Mrs. Scott's house many times. Mrs. Scott is a retired kindergarten teacher that has three boys of her own. She loves kids and is one of the only people that knows of my situation with Ron. She has offered to watch Cameron on multiple occasions when I'm late coming home or when I need a night by myself. Mrs. Scott watched Cameron while her husband drove me to the hospital. She promised to come by later with clothes, snacks, and Cameron. She also said that she'd call Ron to tell him what was happening.

The birth went well and now I had a beautiful baby girl. I was happy, but my worries about Ron drowned out everything else. He's not so upset with me that he'd miss out on the birth of our daughter, would he? I decided to push him out of my mind. Tonight, I had more important things to worry about than my absentee husband.

The baby was born a little early so I couldn't see her right away. They had to make sure she was okay first. About half an hour after I gave birth, Mr. Scott brought Mrs. Scott and Cameron to see me. The first thing Cameron did when he saw me was give me a big hug. I couldn't help but smile. I looked at Mrs. Scott questioningly, but she shook her head. I sighed. Apparently, Ron hadn't even the decency to pick up the phone when his daughter was being born. I couldn't believe it. Still, I believed that he'd show up.

After a while, they brought the baby back in so that I could see her. They announced that she was absolutely fine and that we'd be able to go home in a couple of days (they wanted to monitor her for a bit). I beamed, Mrs. Scott cooed, and Mr. Scott congratulated me. I looked at Cameron, who was staring at the baby as if he wasn't sure what to think of it.

"Cameron, this is your new baby sister. What do you think?" I asked. He thought for a bit before smiling.

"I love her, Mommy." he said.

"What's her name?" Mrs. Scott asked. It felt a little weird naming the baby without Ron being here, but I wasn't going to let his absence stop me from naming my beautiful new child.

"Laelynn." I decided, after a moment of thought. It was a name of Canadian origin meaning "flower of hope" which was something I needed a bit of at the moment. Also, it sounds really cool.

"Laelynn! I love it! What a cute name!" Mrs. Scott gushed.

"Maybe Lynn for short." I said thoughtfully. I turned to Cameron.

"What do you think?" I asked. I saw him try out the name before grinning.

"I like it, Mommy. It's a nice name. But not as nice as Cameron." he declared. I chucked. My son always knows how to make me laugh. I spent the rest of the night in the hospital after Mr. and Mrs. Scott left with Cameron. But Ron still didn't show up. Even though I was worried, I still fell asleep pretty quickly. Man, giving birth is _exhausting_!

Even though I was worried, upset, and angry, I felt more certain and calm than I had for years. Because everything is different now. Now I have Laelynn.

**Hey! Sorry about the super short chapter. I'm going to start writing more really soon, promise. Maybe not next chapter...but soon.**


	4. Chapter 4- No More

When I got out of the hospital, I was even more worried about Ron than I was before. Surely nothing could stop a father from attending his child's birth. So one night, after I put Cam and Lynn to bed, I decided that the best thing for me to do was call the police and report a missing person. It had been months. Something had to be wrong. I was about to go to bed, alone, when my phone started ringing. The caller ID said "Ron". I hurried to pick it up.

"Where are you? Are you okay? When are you coming back?" I asked, not caring about the blatant panic in my voice.

"I'm okay." Ron answered after a moment. I waited, but he didn't answer any of my other questions.

"Where are you?" I repeated.

"Don't worry about me. I'm staying somewhere with my friend." he said. But, again, he didn't offer any details. It occured to me that maybe he was staying away on purpose. The thought chilled me to the bone.

"Are you coming home?" I asked, my voice flat and monotone, not betraying any of the emotions tearing through my chest.

"Hermione…" he began, but trailed off.

"I said, _are you coming home_?" I repeated. I heard Ron sigh before answering.

"No, I don't think so. At least not yet." he said. I froze, barely breathing, praying that my ears were fooling me. I was tempted to tell him about Laelynn, hoping that it would change his mind. But he knew my due date. He knew that I was supposed to give birth around this time. He knew, but he still didn't show up. I couldn't speak.

"Hermione...just don't call the police. I'm okay. I'm just not ready to come home yet." he said.

"Why not?" I asked in a low voice.

"What?"

"You heard me. _Why not?_" I repeated myself, my anger evident in my words.

"Have you forgotten about Cameron? About _me_? Or do you just not care anymore?" I asked him. I could feel the tears coming, but I refused to let him hear me cry over the phone. He didn't say anything.

"Answer me!" I shouted. I felt betrayed, furious, and disappointed. What happened? This was not the future I had imagined for us. What happened to the caring and tender man I married? What happened to turn him into this person, who is more of a shadow than a father to his children?

"Goodbye Hermione. Don't call me again." he said, and hung up. I put the phone down. I wanted to scream and cry and throw things across the room, but I couldn't move. Liquid lead seemed to be flowing through my veins instead of blood. And I felt just about as dead as lead too. I knew I should have been crying. Or screaming. But I probably wouldn't have been able to muster up the energy to scream if I'd wanted to. I mostly just felt tired. Tired of everything. I went to bed, hoping that everything would be magically fixed in the morning.

But it wasn't. So I started making plans. Because I'll be damned if I let Cameron and Laelynn grow up with that sorry excuse of a father. Anger woke up my body and got me moving. How _dare_ he not come back? How _dare _he refuse to show up to his daughter's birth? How _dare_ he let me worry about him for months without word? How _dare_ he? I'd let Cameron live the first four years of his life uncertain as to whether or not his father would be home for dinner the next night. But no more.

No more.


	5. Chapter 5- Decision

After I dropped Cameron off at school, I took a day off to plan. It was obvious that I couldn't be with Ron anymore, even though I love him. I had to think about what's right for Cameron and Laelynn. I sat in the study in front of my computer, thinking about what could be done.

I could take Cameron and Laelynn and stay with my parents (we found them after Voldemort was defeated and the Aurors figured out a way to return their memories). But there was no way that that could be a permanent solution. No, Ron would figure out eventually. And I wanted a solution that ensured that my children would not have to grow up in fear of their father. As far as I saw, there was only one way to do that.

We needed to leave.

And soon.

I made a plan. We were to pack what we needed. Clothes, toiletries, toys, books, and other things as if we were going on a long trip. In a way, we were. I'd pick up Cameron from school and take us straight to my parents house. We could stay there while I put the next part of my plan in motion.

Buying a flat.

I had made and saved more than enough to rent a flat on the other side of town. The school year had just started, so moving Cameron shouldn't be too difficult. Maybe once I find a place, my parents could help me move in. I had saved enough to pay rent for a while, but with three of us living there, needing food, clothes, and other things that cost money, I wasn't sure what would happen. I wasn't really sure of anything. The only thing that I _was_ sure of was that I couldn't be with him anymore. I paused in my research for a second, thinking.

Did I really want to do this? Surely even a partially absent father is better than no father at all? I almost shut off my computer and erased my browsing history to try to forget my plan when I suddenly remembered every time Cameron would ask me if his dad was coming home. Suddenly, I remembered all of the late-night fights and door-slamming arguments. Suddenly, I remembered all of the neglect and abuse; emotional, mental, and sometimes physical. Even though I love Ron, he is not the same person I married and the new Ron is not someone that I can have a family with. And when given the choice between Ron or Cameron and Laelynn, I will not hesitate to choose my children. Because if he won't fight for us, then I will.

I made a decision, finished my research and planning, and finished packing most everything I thought we'd need by the time I needed to pick up Cameron. I brought Laelynn to go get Cameron and told him that we were going on a trip to Nana and Pop's house. Of course, I called my parents in advance to let them know what was happening so that they'd have time to prepare a room for us. A little voice in my head warned me that I didn't know what I was doing. But I forced it down. I had been patient and waited for Ron to change for long enough. Nothing was changing, so now it was time to do something about it.

This was my decision. To me, it didn't matter if it was the right or wrong one. To me, any decision was better than doing nothing. To me, any decision was better than waiting for Ron to come home just to leave again. To me, any decision was better than seeing Cameron cry because of Ron's yelling. To me, any decision was better than enduring the random tantrums from Ron over the smallest things.

There was a decision to be made, and there was no one to make it but me. So I decided.

_Author's note: Sorry about the super short chapter. Online school is taking up a lot of my time. Please stay safe, practice social distancing, and remember to wash your hands!_

And we left.


	6. Author's Note: Sorry

Hey there, this is your author speaking. This isn't a chapter, sorry. And there probably won't be one for a while.

I've been feeling a bit unmotivated lately and I don't really want to post anything unless it's something I'm satisfied with. Again, sorry.

I will continue this, I promise. It just might take a while. But I will.

Until then, thanks for reading!

Bye!


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